Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
