saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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