I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
