I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
