I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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