She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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