guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
