Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
