this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize