Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
