I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
