Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
