I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
