I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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