The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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