come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He kissed a someone with a penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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