it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
