Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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