its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
