His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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