How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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