I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
