i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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