What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
