We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
