i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
