I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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