I'm going to jail i love you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
