Just cropdusted the office
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
