pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
