i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
