I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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