I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
