Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i've created a new STD.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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