32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
