I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
