Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i dont even know how to be here
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
