Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
