I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
