Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
