that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
