Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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