Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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