What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
