i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
