your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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