we have pet lesbian snakes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i think im in europe. pls send help
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
