Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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