My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
