i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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