I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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