i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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