There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
