it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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