ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
