man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
