She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
