I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
