wanna go halves on a baby?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
