love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
