Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
