My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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