I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
