it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
