pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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