If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize