i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
