I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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